Spate of incidents:

The act of buildin morale,the act of buildin up courage,the act of buildin up confidence,these acts are undoubtedly the best thing dat u ever get to do for urself.For one simple reason,these are somethin dat u got do it and none else can.They cud initiate,but there's always this thing called,feel for urself.
Yup.I did that for myself.It was good to implement,was gud to speak abt it.Ppl think highly of u as well.And even,in that moment,you may not kno that these are mere 'feel-good-for-an-instant' stuff,only to help u move further.Everytime u say to urself or others 'I wudnt regret my decision'' ,there still remains a hint of doubt in u.The doubts,wich are difficult to do away with.But just that,it wud help u to make a decision in the first place.Otherwise,probb u wud neva end up makin one.
I did make a decision.And honestly,nothin was wrong in it.Honestly,the doubts,wotever they wer,i was able to reason with them,nd dey understud it as well.For me,d decisions werent bad.It was highly calculated,and well thot-of.Stil,things had to go wrong.And then begins the back-tracking,which i feel was the worst thing to happen.
I guess,i had 2 choices: to hang in and fight and the other,to fight and walk away.Both wud hav been a comfortable pick.But instead,wot normally happens is,u end up doubting ur very first decision.U end up regretting on the choice dat u earlier made only to land up with the 2 new ones.And, with any fresh choices that's on your face,you r quite sure,that things indeed went wrong.
A decision is being blamed at.A step that you make,is bein looked down upon.And amidst all this,you r in a spot,to make another one.You think and talk abt it a lot.And that reinstates your resolve to make a new decision,as if wot u jst made and screwed up,wasnt enough!!.
All these counts on as experiences.But in my opinion,there's no learning out of it.Bcs,you did nothing wrong to learn out of it.You jst tuk a step to land at a right place.They remain as stories to be told.Thats all it ends up as.Mere,worthless stories.

Doing Nothing

Had a month long programme of doin nothing.And nothing can beat this.
You simply kno,there needs to be done nothing.The act of doing nothing.And its doable.And one shud do this once in a while.
Went closer to nature.Had a brief period of roughness in mumbai.Ended up being at a place calld KARE,an ayurvedic and yoga centre,in a hillock with mulshi river flowing beneath it.Awesome place.Had a nice 4 days there.But the downside was,i kept worryin abt the money i was blowing up.And yes,i did have reasons to.I was the only middle class guy there.The rest wer dollar earners,and that explained their fortnight long and month long stay!!.
Nevertheless,met some fine set of ppl.Heard some nice life stories.Across the globe,u wud hav ppl with similiar work issues.Ppl quitting out of raw deals.Ppl working real hard to learn and amass their knowledge and put into use.The constant will to learn is what amazed me.They refused to be a part of routine and chose to learn instead.Not complainin or worryin about wot holds for them in future,but jst d hope,dat doin sumthn new,will work to their advantange.
Security,wot we indians yearn for,is missing in them.And,i believe,thats the only reason,that adds up to their will,that gives them a direction to live in the present.
If asked,as to wot was the best thing for me,in those 4 days,i gues it were those conversations.I was moved.And the best part was,I dint relate or compare with how me or we (those in similar situation) live our life.Bcs only 2 things make our lifestyle:Salary and Travelling. Aint that sick???
Wot makes their liefstyle:Happiness and Knowledge.Gues,a kind of faith exists in them,an inherent feeling,that these are the two things for wich they'd accountable for.The rest has been or will be taken care of.
Love it :) :)

Rolling a dice :) :

"He got a KT again"
"It happens,not bcs he aint studyin,luck matters a lot"
I dint realise,wot was gona cum for the rest of my engineering days,after i sed dat.Everytime,d chance came,dey nagged!!..nagged like anything.
"Great!!.dnt study.Luck leke bhaith,pass ho jaayega"
"wot?? U think u gona get lucky nd sail thru??"

Well..i kinda did sail thru..And yup,id still stand by wot i had sed.Wotever it may be,wotever strikes ya,gud or bad,luck has a role to play.I used to,and still believe,luck has a role as much as anythin else does.So do I think, dat Faith is another thing,and so is optimism and ofcourse,d effort and hard work...errr...hope too.. :D .. .Having listed out the 'Hygiene Factors' here (yup.I am almost a MBA,I am authorised to use irrelevant terms,nd make it sound cool :P ... Hertzberg bhai shall explain..),it tells me one thing very clearly,dat I dont kno a shit abt wot is it that I truly believe in.Just knowin the attributes aint all,there got to be somethin that one has to bank on and follow.So,basically,i dunno wot is dat i depend on.

Nice start. :) . Now,the question:when ppl make important decisions,wot is it that they depend on?? Luck or Optimism??.do they just feel lucky or think they wud get lucky,nd go ahead wit it?Or do they simply know,dat things gona work out for them,just d way they want it to??..Im talkin abt very imp decisions here,wen there's nothin around,no factors to weigh upon and absolutely no damn back-up!!...
I dont know wot one does,when they feel or think neither of d above.But still,d decision has to be made.
Sumtimes experience plays a role,ur probbability of successes and failures too help ya decide,but again,such major 'decision-taking' chances dont cum so often(God,if dats d case,den hats off to those who surf thru !!) and ofcourse,there's always a fuckin first time !!! Wot the hell do u do then??..As I said,hangin on or hoping for times to change aint gona help here,u gotta decide---NOW....

Tuff one!!..truly a tuff one !!...

Givin Up

Givin up.One of the hardest decision,dat each of us wud def encounter @ multiple times in life.Its as imp as it is hard to do..
U give up on ppl,on things,jst so dat u get wot u want,Or probb,u think the givin up is a step towards it.
It could be either to sweep aside sumthn,or could also be to get sumthn on its expense.And the obvious literal meaning of it :to lose it.To accept failure.

Different kinds of reactions follows after u hav dun dat,which depends upon each individual who maintains a basic idea of Giving up in his mind.

1.Give up and leave: I cant do this anymore.This is not wot I wanted.This is not wot i signed up for.

2.Give up and try: Hell wit this one.I'd try for wot comes next.And i'd do well.

3.Give up and wait :If it has to happen,it will.I wont bother abt it much.

4.Not give up,fight : Things will change.And,it will change for good.

I have come to believe,dat its only FAITH,dat makes and breaks ur decisions,dat influences your thoughts.Its faith,dat motivates or demotivates you to try or leave.Its Faith,dat makes you think that His will is gona make things better and hence makes you wait.Its faith in yourself,dat tells you to fight and win.Its faith in others,dat gets you to re-think on giving up on somebody.

Its only that,I dont seem to have enough of it.My struggles,could have been different too.Probb,it would.Someday.........

The day your passion resigns!!

Do what you like,and you'd be happy!!.
Do what you are passionate about,you'd be really happy!!.
Better still,turning your passion,to a profession,there would never be a dull moment in your life!!.

Passion:A strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything.

Few of the recent movies,that I can remember,which conforms to the above "Do what you like" thing :Rock On,TZP,Iqbal,Shikshanacha Aaicha Gho,etc.

There are some,who kno what they want,there are some,who like something,there are some,who's extremely fond of certain things,there are some,who are so damn passionate about certain things and there are those,who work towards them,to ACHIEVE something with it.

A major discussion wit a friend,lead me to this thought:Its better not to convert your passion to a profession.Ofcourse,there are lots a conditions that applies to it.And these relate more to the creative ones: music,art etc.

Excerpts:
1.A profession,ultimately leads to certain aspects,some being,success,money,growth etc.Its JUST not the extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire anymore.
2.You follow what you are fond of,amidst support from near ones,or worse,major discouragements.Any which ways,that would definitely increase your resolve into actually getting into it,but the fact remains,you always have this pressure of doing well in whatever that you have stepped out for.
3.You work hard,you struggle,you strive to reach somewhere.I am not saying, its the money that you looking for,but yes,there's a threshold,below which you may not afford to carry something only bcs you are passionate about it.
4.It starts hitting you after a certain period of time,that you ain't going anywhere in the profession that you have just entered.Yes,the joy would still remain,but sadly,its no longer ONLY the joy that you want here,there are some add-ons,that you'd want too.
5.If you are passionate about something,you'd work hard,you'd be good,you'd be ultimately that good,that there's no stopping you.You'd be noticed,you'd move ahead,you'd get the satisfaction (joy + more joy).
6.You were simply happy with your passion for that thing.But now,the happiness comes with strings attached.The constant thought about your growth chart,your steps towards your dream,goal etc.
7.You wud have never thought of success and failure,then,when you were simply painting,or creating music,or dancing,singing etc.You have introduced these 2 terms in your journey when you make that as your profession.
8.The "fall-back plan" starts working in your mind.You gotta have a back-up profession or anything to sustain,in the event of any mishaps.
9.Your passion may just die in the pursuit of happiness.
10.Wrong move.Period.


There's a restaurant that me has frequented.They have live ghazals for the patrons.Now,it could very much be the kinda songs that this dude sings,that you do have this feeling,that he's sooo sad.But still,fact remains,that this guy,above 44 yrs old,singing in a restaurant,must have been surely passionate about singing in some point in his life.I am,obviously assuming things here,probb,this may not be his full time thing and again,it cud be,as well.Probb,he's doin it for his love of music,or probb,this is the only thing he has got, to feed himself.Probb,he does this because he likes doing what he's doing,or probb this is the only thing that he can do for his needs.I'd neva kno (well..i can actually,i just have to strike a conversation with him,but dat's not happening soon :P :P ).But yes,the point being,I see a man,who must have thought or dreamt of something better and bigger with his passion for singing.He must have tried real hard,but his preparation dint meet an opportunity for him to have his luck turned around.There would be many people within and around us,who'd be struggling from the day they realised their passion but never could make it.And yes,there'd be many,who just got better-off with it.

Keeping your passion alive,isnt going to kill you,but trying to keep yourselves alive just with your passion,MIGHT!!.

I do have success stories with me,of people I kno,or sum1 whom I kno,knowing.But they are in all the "Doing-what-I-always-wanted" stage.They are doing,or have got into what they always wanted to.And yes,its only thru the hard work and the enthusiasm they had.

As I mentioned,my apprehensions lie with those kinda passions where its you creative chord that plays.The so-called hobbies that helps you relax kinds.And these uncertainities and fear should not hold you back from venturing into anything that would always wanted,but hell,that's what I gotta say about it.

People who always wanted to get into medicine,architecture,engineering would no doubt,work hard and do well and yes,end up well too,with no regrets whatsover in following what they always had in mind and bloody nailing it.

Nevertheless,there's an ample amount of RESPECT that I hold for those, who do have a passion.Its not easy to recognise your skill in and love for something.And its even harder to pursue it.But just that,some things that makes you happy,should be kept just for that:For the JOY of doing it.

And a decade later.........

Over the years of getting to know so many ppl,gud ones,close ones,dear ones,i think I can safely conclude,dat only liqeur and wedding brings us all together.Ya ya,ofcrse,der r exceptions,bt still,it holds true.. :) :)
A frend brot it to mah notice,dat d bunch dat we are,its been almost 10 years,since we been knowin each other.First thing,u go like "Fck!! 10 years??whoa..dats long!!!.".Next thing is d more obvious one:that we gettin older.
Nevertheless,der hav been sum real nice moments amongst the so called working professionals,where d conversations dont really go beyong sulkin abt work and boss-bashing.Followed by few references to d common knowns,abt dem gettin married etc.Then catching few lines dat serves as reminders to d old memories..Well..obv,d agenda doesnt sound all dat tempting.But its exactly how it is!!.But den,wit all dis,if u still can walk off with a feeling about hw much u wanted dis meet to happen,den nuthn like it.
Ten long years of knowin sum of d finest ppl around.Its Cheers!! To them all...

Timing:

U wait for something.U wait for it very very patiently.U wait for it for a long long time.U try.U keep trying.U try harder.U think lots.U think more than u supposed to.It more becomes of u waiting for a time to come,rather than the something dat u been waiting for.It happens as such,that something, isnt there in ur mind anymore,but,it is the someTIME that u luking for.

U start looking for a thing;it ends up being a time that u wait for..Do u jst lose focus on ur interest? or do u just feel its better to stay put and let things occur wen it has to?

A long wait always successfully manages to drown out the excitement.A long wait ensures that ud obviously want EVERYTHING out of whatever that u WANTED and u wudnt want to settle for any compromise.only nd only bcs u waited this long!!...The excitement is only wen u get wot u wanted,AS IT IS...else,its nothing short of a dampener..!!

Atta Boy

"Good good.Sandeep,very good"
"the good thing is,he's so closely involved,even during........."
"great job.keep it up."
And the barrage of Goods kept coming.From all ends.For over a period of days.
But it dint make me feel good even for once.Not even for a minute.Good things were being said,nice things were being said,each thing was justified,all heads nodded in acceptance,received the longest footage amongst them all,but still,not even once,did it make me feel good,proud or anything for that matter.
I wouldnt say,I keep getting them.On the contrary,this came after a long time.Not that I ever wanted it,or secretly hoped for it,just that,its more of the fact that I feel this came for the wrong reasons.Again.Its a guess,i may not be right here..but then being around for long and knowing the bunch,does cement it.
Months back,there occured few conversations.Coupla of them,long ones,short ones,threatening ones,disappointed ones,dissent ones,unapproving ones,bad ones..And I see this appreciation for my effort as an outcome of those and not bcs they really do.
"Been really good.Now we got one challenge that we think you may be able to do it.We want you to ........."
Normally,a person would be all charged up.Taking it up,highly motivated and begin to get going.But not me.I dint see it as an extra work that was asked outta me,just that I simply saw it as motivation techniques,making me feel important,etc etc..I simply pushed it away.I knew it right then,me aint getting mahself to do it either.It was like :"oh.yeah??...balls"....

I wana tel them,these aint gona work wit me.Save the niceties for someone else.Save the bouquets,cheers,claps,cmon's,'u can do its',goods,...I dnt need them and they aint gona help one bit.Dont play with words and sentences,for me aint gona get tricked by them.Stay away from me,else either of us wouldnt like it.

Dunno if its abt me.Dunno if its abt them.
For all I kno is,things around aint cool as I'd want it to be.Its getting static.They refuse to see things thru.I refuse to believe that they seeing it as well.I refuse to believe that they are trying as hard as they claim to be.I refuse to participate.I refuse to play ball

You catch, I catch

There are certain words that our brains remeber.That our brain synapses registers in itself.Thats spoken out in some particular context,and its perceived by the other in some other.Here lies the underlyin opportunity,when u can use or misuse it.And,it does help a great deal!!.

The word of the day: Ehsaan.

We callin our supplier:arre,kidhar hai maal??.aap tab dene waale the,itna din ho gaya..aisa thodi chalega..whack whack....yeh kya.
Them: Saab.thoda late ho gaya..dete hai..pakka next week.
We: Next week lekar mein kya karu??..Merko aaj chahie..kal fsctory pahuncha chahie.Karo kuch bhi..
Them: Nahi hoega sir.Pehle kabhi aisa hua hai kya??.
We: Pehla ka chodo.Abhi chahihe.Next week,de kar,eshsaan kar rahe ho kya!!
(there!!..u realise,he can hold it thereafter)
Then: Sir,aisa kya baat kar rahe.Aap aisa kaisa bol sakte ho..Yeh galat hai.Ab aapko ache se bol rahe hai,nahi milega,koshish tho hum kar hi rahe hai na.Aur aap ulta baat kar rahe ho.NEXT WEEK...

Now,tho ders no ways u can get it immediately.Ur ego stops u from requesting and asking for help.U've lost it.

well.on another occassion,and on another instance.
Customer calls: Where's my system??Its been beyond delivery!!
Us: Sir,we got sum shortages.It might get delayed for another week.
Them: Why did u all commit a date then??.
Us: we were anticipation it to reach us,unforutanately,there's been a delay.We are sorry.
Them: sorry wot sorry.I dont want ur shit next week.I want it to be dispathced 2moro...Next week de ke,ehsaan mat karo!!
(bingo!!..he's is a dead meat)
Us: Sir,dont talk in such language.There's been a delay about which we can do nothin.And look at d way,u talkin!!..Is this a language to be used.We will update u next week.Bye
Them: err..ok...

There can be more as these.It takes a nice ear,to take them in.And heck!!,u need dis,wen u r bein roasted.Trust me,if u can catch dem and use dem well,den u r outta of it.

Add-ons

First they said : “If you want something badly,you’d get it !!”
Then they said : “If you want something badly,you gotta work hard for it.And you’d get it”
Then they said : “If you want something badly,you gott work hard for it,give up everything else,focus on the one thing dat you want.And...you’d get it”
Then came : “Look for the thing that you want.Do not get distracted.Work hard.With a bit of luck,you’d surely get it ONE DAY ”
Then came: “Its important that luck favours you.Jumping the gun,always back fires.Patience is what you need.”
Then : Opportunity is where luck meets preparation.But again,if it has to happen,it will happen.Just a matter of time”
Then : If not now,there’s always a next time.Just do not stop trying.”


Life’s full of add-ons.Just that,you never know,what gets added to it.But hell!!...there always seems to some damn thing!!!!

Of the Good and the Bad:

There's always an attribute attached to the the things that u do.There's alwez a right or a wrong way to do things.There's alwez an upside and a downside to the way u luk at things.There's alwez a gud and a bad choice.Everythin is binary.A 0 or a 1.

What drives u to these?Wots in for an indivdual wen he makes dis kinda choice.Wots in for a person wen he does a gud thing or makes a gud choice??...Wot does it take to stick to a bad thing and live with it.Having no qualms,no issues,no nothing with being bad and live happily eva after!!...

I guess,wot takes a person to be OK with his wrong doing can be
1)he doesnt realise,its bad.
2)dats exactly wot he wants to do and basks in its success.

The gud guy always makes it well.But then,he gotta take-off and move on,until he's got an adversary.But,d sad thing is,d gud aint actually able to win over the bad guys.He can end up havin a bettr life,better feeling but heck,wen it cums to a one on one face-off,he's lost it.
Wots also interesting is,its d bad that goes on silently with all its bad motives in place.And its d gud dat picks up the fight with the bad.The bad,wud sit back,study and hit back.The gud fights back,but even before it has started,they give up.They know,dis is not d place to be.Result:The Smirk ends up on the Bad guys'face. Happier,healthier,meaner and sicker!!.

The loser,wud live on a hope and an alwez unfulfilled oath that he will be back.But no!!Once out,it's a struggle.It's hard work.It's patience and experience that puts him at a place,wherein he's at peace.The lost out fight forgotten.The oath,invalid.
So??is it all worth it??.Well.not until u r affected.Fighting wen u r bein molested is one thing,but fighting only bcs u see d other person in an orgasm,is stupid.

Gud ppl hav cum and gone.Some did well,some close to doin well.The bad guys have stayed.They are damn well and doing pretty too!!..Their scores at an all time high.And ready for any one...Ready for anything good to get annhilated.

Luck by chance??:

I have come to realise that me been very lucky with my life.and im indeed grateful to be so, too.
To look back,nothin awfully bad has dawned upon me.My life's been really easy.Havn't had to endure hardships,so to say.My results, placements, jobs, family, finance, happiness,friends,days,health, peace, etc cud just have been worse,cud hav been bad,cud have been not so good,cud have been anything,but no,they aint or never been anythin for me to complain about.
Needless,cribbing and sulking are natural,but then,those can be excused.
Just cant use the words setbacks,bad times,ill-fate,destiny etc to describe few issues that i mite hav encountered.They have all been manageable.They have all been fringe.
Life's been gud to me.The GODS' been gud to me.Amen.

Been a while

Dunno if i shud categorize it as my second or third attempt.But ya,it sure is one.Again.A very very serious one.
As each day passes,realisation strikes,patience fades,frustration rises,irritation sinks,peace takes a beating!!.
This time,im tryin sumthn else.Drifted away totally.On the prev occasions,it was simply wanting to get out.But this has more reasons beyond just wanting to break free.
Obv,age aint keeping up either.And this has to happen.Now.Lagech!!
This added to the ever flourishing mind-sets that u gotta train urself:-Hope,Optimism,Confidence,radiance and many more.
Well,optimistic,yes,i am being one.Hope,yes,hoping well too.Confident,not sure..Just the fact that its not been much time,is keeping tabs on the fact, that me haven't failed yet.But then,hell,it still hasn't worked our well so far either.

"Hope is a gud thing and gud thing never dies".Guess,these lines have stopped working too.!!

Home Bars

Their kids call me Uncle.The kids' moms' call me "bhaiya".
Got to call the kids moms' as Bhabhiji,instead of my preferred "Ma'm".
Cant get them to call me by name.Just cant send dat msg across to those nice souls.
So got to address them (d kids's paa's) as "aap" instead of the everyday profane conduct.
Ofcourse,u shud keep d office stuff at office and got to be different wen u outta there.
But whoever said doing such things is easy.
Takes a great deal of effort to maintain d "talk-with-izzat" approach.
Specially,wen it was neva easy for me.And wen it neva exists in d first place.
This is wot makes get togethers a bit uncomfy.
This is why I always suggest,lets catch a drink outside.

Aal izz well!!

Naa..THis aint a review.There's been lots dats goin around.So me aint contributing.

Of mah local train rides,me been a witness to numerous comments,fights,display of gyaan,etc..Just dont remebr any of the kick-ass,smart-faced dialogues though,until yday.
Excerpts from a li'l,not so nice and a heated convo.Needless,its ended well.

"Utharne ha hai tho uthro na!!"
"Aap side se hato na"
"Kitna jagah chahie tumko?"
"Arre,utharneka hai mujhe"
"Tho uthar na.kaun roka tujhe??"

(in bold=he lost it.Wasnt newer close to being polite)

And then cums,frm the guy who wanted to get down: "Aal izz well" "Aal izz well"

Thats it.Fir bas hassi aur muskurahat chah gayi compartment mein...

Nice.Really nice.