Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Atta Boy

"Good good.Sandeep,very good"
"the good thing is,he's so closely involved,even during........."
"great job.keep it up."
And the barrage of Goods kept coming.From all ends.For over a period of days.
But it dint make me feel good even for once.Not even for a minute.Good things were being said,nice things were being said,each thing was justified,all heads nodded in acceptance,received the longest footage amongst them all,but still,not even once,did it make me feel good,proud or anything for that matter.
I wouldnt say,I keep getting them.On the contrary,this came after a long time.Not that I ever wanted it,or secretly hoped for it,just that,its more of the fact that I feel this came for the wrong reasons.Again.Its a guess,i may not be right here..but then being around for long and knowing the bunch,does cement it.
Months back,there occured few conversations.Coupla of them,long ones,short ones,threatening ones,disappointed ones,dissent ones,unapproving ones,bad ones..And I see this appreciation for my effort as an outcome of those and not bcs they really do.
"Been really good.Now we got one challenge that we think you may be able to do it.We want you to ........."
Normally,a person would be all charged up.Taking it up,highly motivated and begin to get going.But not me.I dint see it as an extra work that was asked outta me,just that I simply saw it as motivation techniques,making me feel important,etc etc..I simply pushed it away.I knew it right then,me aint getting mahself to do it either.It was like :"oh.yeah??...balls"....

I wana tel them,these aint gona work wit me.Save the niceties for someone else.Save the bouquets,cheers,claps,cmon's,'u can do its',goods,...I dnt need them and they aint gona help one bit.Dont play with words and sentences,for me aint gona get tricked by them.Stay away from me,else either of us wouldnt like it.

Dunno if its abt me.Dunno if its abt them.
For all I kno is,things around aint cool as I'd want it to be.Its getting static.They refuse to see things thru.I refuse to believe that they seeing it as well.I refuse to believe that they are trying as hard as they claim to be.I refuse to participate.I refuse to play ball