Sic Feeling

You know this feeling that comes to you before even you start doin nething...a conviction that it aint gona work fr you,wotever you r about to begin with...
Well such things can be quite irritating...when you know it all the more that nothing can be more important than this...nd lo!..U R HIT WITH this thot "I dont think its gona work".

I am not sure how often this comes to me,well...probb bcs i aint doin important things in the first place...Wonder,why doesnt a good thot hit me,when i actually want things to happen..I just end up generating that thot rather then letting it cum to me...

So here I am,an acclaimed expert,a specialist in something...I need to make this thing work...I travel from kinda a faar place,landing with a feeling( oh!! ya...rite) that I am gona go back home the same evening...u see...its nuthing more of a cake-walk...People standing,waiting for me to BEGIN....I come,I smile,I see and I am off with it....nd den...with one look,i just know it..THIS AINT GONA WORK....phhbbbtt.....wt d hell did i just think..?? shit ..shit..I am not supposed to have that in my mind...shoo..shoo...thus starts a failed attempt to make things ok...but hell no....its still der....I look around...ppl smile " Sir,yeh ho jaayega na?"....I dont smile..the damage's done.I see that reaction of mine as the final nail..as somethin that was exaactly that was required to come from me...Someone WINS>.I Lose...

I try to start....The irritated me is out...I try again...it doesnt help...I kno it.It aint happening...It just aint gona work..

So here I am,stranded...A same day programme,stretched for 5 days..worse..over the weekend......

Damn!!!..Am i just not gud enuff??...Im soo irritated,that I dont even care to know..MAAF!!!!!!...11 dollars a day as allowance..Got to see that as a brighter side now(sic)..